1st 2 weeks
Sat.April1-
Just arrived, the host family seems nice. The "Gills". I'm staying in their daughters (Georgia) room. They've got a beautiful house.
Still surprised I made it here. Really I was unprepared, my life doesn't have the habit of going in the direction I need or want it to. That improbable luck of mine. It's not nesseserialy bad luck. Just those things you can't prepare for. Like spontainiously bursting into flames while swimming. (Or more reasently, after calling a help line phone number taken of the Education in New Zealand web site, and getting a call from the NZ branch of the Defense Department which they politely said that they appreciate my interest in Studying in their country they regret to inform me that they can't help me with my Home Stay accomidations.) I'm not blaiming it, but other then never really trying to do anything do to my fear of it, I'm caught off gard when something planned works out. I've gotten use to standing there looking foolish. I don't know how to react when I accomplish something.
The best way I can describe it is as if you "almost" missed the bus, and then being so surprised that you forgot where you were going. I left a lot unfinished back home, call it poor planning, but never thought I'd make it this far.
Sun.April 2-
Bit of an unrestful night. didn't wake up till 11am,(went to bed at 8pm) I desided the best way to get fomiler with my surroundings was to get lost in it. (Plus I needed a belt and socks.) Went on a nice 7 hr "walkabout". Never found a belt. Being Sunday most of the shops were closed. Walked to two towns over to Ponsonby. Never found a belt.
Mon.April 3-
1st day of school. The "United Nations Film Academy".
Swiss 1
Uraguay 3
France 1
New Zealand 3
Russa 1
Gremany 1
United States 1
Argentina 1
Astrailia 1
After 2hrs we were out in the street with camera's. The Canon XL1.
Tues. April 4-
"In camera edit" story telling. Not as easy as it sounds, but a hell of a lot of fun. We were given a one word subject like, "Powerful" or "Joy" and a list of shots to tell it.
ex: "2 MCU x2 (2 person medium close up times 2), plus WA x2 (Wide angle times 2), ect. we had 10 shots to get with in an hour. My group was made out of Swiss, German
Uraguay, and me. Me, and 3 people speaking broken english. OK, so really 4 people speaking Broken English. Thank god I can draw.
Weds. April 5-
Got out of class late today and most(all the good ones) of the stores were closed??
Appearenty most business close around 6pm. The attitude I've encountered has been the "MacGiever"ish lets work with what we got. There seems to be a lot of "What we need" not "What we've GOT to have." Not sure which one lead to the other, probably
attitude equals less comsumerism.
Being so far removed from the rest of the world, New Zealanders had to either wait for supplies or work with what they have at hand. Back when the islands were being colonized it would be almost 2-6 months for them to get what they needed. Building was difficult due to the high amount of volcanic rock the these islands are mostly made up of. So there was a lot of "lets work with what we got" that seems to have stayed with them.
I'm still belt-less.
Friday April 7th-
I had to present a song for our 1st project. I "Pitched" William Shatners remake of "Common People". Originally done by Pulp in the 1980's. Bill's verson was/is a little more up beat. Anyway, everyone brought in a song out of which we picked three, divided into three groups, each group took a song. Long story short, I'm leading the Swiss, a Uraguaian, and a Kiwi in producing Common People. and somewhere the lead singer from an obscure 80's band starts to cry for no understandable reason. Meanwhile, in New Zealand, a big goofy American tries to not let the manical laughter playing in his head resinate, and get in the way of him explaining his . . . "Vision".
Sat. April 8th-
First preproduction meeting. Awaiting Valeria (Uraguay) and Aldo (Argentina) did some story boarding last night.
Sun. April 9th-
Yesterday went some what well, just trying to figure out how to make others care about something that isn't from them. Valeria worked well, so did Aldo, but there's a bit of atitude that I haven't figured out from where or why it's there. Second preproduction meeting today with Tai. He and I have to finish writing the story,plan the rest of the shots and find locations. He's a Maori, and seems to know the place pretty well.
Tues. April 11-
Spent the past couple days Story boarding the shoot. Seems to help us getting the look down, but there were some shots that were not framed as tightly as planed. Today was the second day for shooting and we had to re-shoot 2 of the 4 shots from yesterday. Basically, when Aldo was behind the camera. I know it's not a language problem. He wasn't there for most of preproduction we had to plan with out him to get the job done. He has a very artistic eye which helps, but a soft ego and a stuburn streak. I'm all for experimenting with the camera but shoot the planned shots first. What we got in our footage from the day before wasn't useable. (Don't get me wrong, they could have worked if they were in focus) You can even hear us asking him if he's got the shot, and it ended up being just whatever he wants. After wasting some film and even more battery power he desided he didn't want to be there, and looked for excuses to go off on his own. He dealt with our frustration in him by just being uncoropertive. A really great act for a 38 year old man. He's from Argentina, and I swear I hear the opening music from "Zorro" every time he picks up the camera.
Tai
(Maori accent)
" 'K Aldo, we need a loose medium close up of Valeria then track in over her sholder for a close up of Aaron."
(Start music)
(Enter Aldo, tall and with dark hair and features he is dressed as a bull fighter. Minus the hat.)
Aldo
(Argentina accent)
"Ok-kay, got it."
(Aldo breaks into a series of dramatic movements, using the camera as a bull
fighter would his sword and red cape, he films something which only he can see.)
cut to: inter, class room.
Students watching there days worth of footage.
Aaron
"What the Hell is this?"
cut to: shot of screen showing "Aldo's footage".
One Blurry extream close up after another, finally a (blurry)clown face
with Aldo's voice over. "Weep for me CLOWN! Weep for me with the Passion!"
'Kay, a bit dramatic, yes. But I think you get the picture.
Thurs. April 13th-
Problem banking with HSBC. Most of everything they told me back home wasn't true when I got here. Nothing new there, the bank can't seem to make up it's mind, and one branch tells you something different then another.(And that's just back home!)
We did a paper edit and put our shots into the computer for editing. Watching what we shot is different then editing what we shot. The great part is that we were able to use most of what we shot. (Being all visual and story boarding the whole thing seemed to help. But when we went to edit, it gave me a different perspective on how to shoot, how to assemble shots and plan them better so they will be easier to edit, how to get the images to "Flow". Not just from scene to scene, but shot by shot. Filming them so them link with out noticing.
Friday the 14th-
"Holiday" today. Most places around the city were closed. Had to stop in to do a bit of editing of our music video. Not much to work with, we laid it out the best we could but with all we shot, ended up cuting the song down so what we had to work with, would work. Kinda wish I went with one of the other groups. They seemed to have a challenge where as we just seem to have BS. I know we are not ready, but have the crew keep asking "So we're done right?" Trying to tell a story with just visuals and keep the it interesting and pull the audience in wasn't attained with this project. We didn't get half of what we planed to work. Yes it's inexperance, but........... damn it I wanted this to work.
Saturday April 15th-
Had to stop in just to see how everyone else was doing, needed to be around them while they we working. Don't know what else to talk to them about other them the class. First day I really had to deal with my anxieties.
Like the saying goes, "Where ever you go,. . . there you are."
Sun. April 16th-
Can't think, can't make decisions. Playing out outcomes in my head and then taking them to extremes, like I do. (kinda funny that, I do it with people and life and such, and have a decent success rate, but I suck at chess.) An then not doing anything, like I do. Just the whole, get from point "a" to point "b", I can get to point "B" by turning either right or left, both directions will get me to the same place, both are correct. But as the sinerio goes, I turn left and there is traffic or I catch all the lights and all I hear is "SEE, YOU DID IT WRONG, YOU SHOULD HAVE TURNED RIGHT! WHY DIDN'T YOU? HUH?" in a condicending way. So next time I have to get from "A" to "B", I turn right. But on this day there is traffic or lights and all hear is "SEE, YOU DID IT WRONG, WHY DIDN'T YOU TURN LEFT? HUH? WHY?" in a "rub your nose in it condisending way. Even though there is nothing wrong with running into traffic or all red lights. I can't chose. I freeze and can't make the decision. Can't make any choices. Both options have become WRONG and RIGHT. I get stuck in my own privet "Ill-logic" loop. The only thing wrong with me is that I'm just as normal as everyone else. But what I am is wrong. Why can't I be like those who get it right? But they are wrong too sometimes. Just like me. But when their wrong it's ok. But when I'm wrong it's not. That just shows that I'm wrong again. And not normal. Thinking like this isn't normal but I can't stop. It just snowballs. I get stuck. The irony is that I'm doing what everyone does, but when I'm "normal", I punish myself. So now I've become what I've hated and feared. Different. I was like everyone else but that was wrong, so now I'm different because, and that's even worse. Now I really don't fit. Before I did, but believed I didn't. Now I actually don't and hate myself even more for it. But I can fake it. I could be in a crowd of people I know and feel out of place, even alone. An nobody knows. I seem to be able to become forgettable. Kinda like the plant by the window sill. You know it's there, it becomes common, so you don't notice it anymore. Then one day you have to open the window and see that the plant has died(bad analogy), how about somebody moved it. I seem to fantizie about just fading away a lot. It has happened so often that it's now common, formiliar. I actually feel more confortable on the outside looking in than trying to connect with anyone. I can't do it. I don't know what to do in that situation.
I guess thats why I'm here. Which would be fine, as long as I could stop being "Right/Wrong".